Please Stop Touching….

little boyAs a mom we are constantly telling our kids to “Stop touching your sister” or “Stop touching the merchandise in the store” or “Stop touching your penis!” A reader recently contacted me about her preschool son who was always touching his penis.  She said, Please write a post about this!”  I assured her that while this is normal behavior, it does indeed need to be curbed.  Luckily, I have a few Physicians Assistants as friends so I consulted them.  Unfortunately, there is no deep scientific explanation for why boys do this.  The logic is, “They touch it because it is there.”  So let’s deal with it.  Fortunately, the gratification part of their brain is not turned on yet so they may not be having any satisfaction physically just yet.  Here is the conversation…Your penis is not sanitary.  Pee comes out of it and when you touch it, urine might get on your hand and since you put your hands in your mouth, you don’t need urine in your mouth.  Second, it is simply not polite to adjust or touch your penis in public.  We don’t pick our noses in public; we don’t scratch our rear ends in public; we don’t throw temper-tantrums in public.  Your penis is private and we don’t need to draw attention to it in public by adjusting. Finally and most importantly, you need to teach your sons self control. Constantly.  The average child is exposed to pornography between 8-11 years old.  Self –gratification (masturbation) often follows.  If you have never taught your son self-control (believe me, self control is a trained behavior) in this particular area, then the natural progression is to continue to touch especially  when the physical gratification, pleasure part of their brain does turn on.  One last thing, my son told me that his scrotum sometimes gets stuck to the inside of his leg when he gets sweaty, so we bought some Gold Bond powder for those moments.  There are times when adjusting is necessary, but habitual touching is not a habit you want formed.  Of course you could just throw out the old wives tale, “If you keep touching it, it will fall off.”

  • Please note that girls can be guilty of this behavior too, and you can use the same reasons in your explanation.
  • TIP: Teach your boys self control every chance you get, especially in this area.  They will need it!!

Posted by Amy in Sex Education and Pornography

How Does the Baby Get IN?

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Remember those magical little words “by God’s design”? Here is where they come in real handy.  Remember to keep it simple but always answer their questions.  You need your kids to believe that you are the expert because the alternative is that they think their friends are the experts.  Here is your conversation: “By God’s Design”, a seed deep inside the man called sperm and a seed deep inside the woman called egg come together when the time is right, and “by God’s design” a baby begins to grow inside a special place in the mother called a womb.  Now from here, this conversation can go down any number of tangents. For example, my son asked, “My friend Seth doesn’t have a daddy so where did that seed come from?   We live in a culture with a diversity of parents but that doesn’t change the fact that babies come from a male seed and a female seed.  Now where you take it from here is your choice.

I also want my kids to understand that babies are precious miracles.  I don’t think there are any accidental babies, but there may be a few accidental parents!  Your family make-up may be different and that is just fine too!  My sister has a friend who had “snowflake babies”.  The parents had some fertility troubles so they did in-vitro fertilization with embryos that were not biologically related to the parents.  The mom had several embryos placed in her womb.  Two of the embryos “took” and she gave birth to 2 babies at the same time who were not biologically related to each other or her and her husband! Try explaining that later!

TIP — Keep it scientific, truthful, and simple.

Posted by Amy in Sex Education

 

How Does the Baby Get Out??

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Thankfully, this is the first question kids usually ask which is much easier to answer than how the baby gets in!  Keep it short and simple.  Here is what I say…By God’s design (so unless you are an atheist, this works for everyone), Moms have a special hole between their legs called a vagina.  When the baby is ready, the baby comes out that hole.  While the baby is inside the mom, it lives in a special home called the uterus or womb.  Those are your words.  Whah La!  I preface almost everything with “By God’s Design”.  This is important for future conversations such as “How does that baby get in”? I wish I could say that those “by design” words are mine but they aren’t.  I stole them from a Mary Flo Ridley presentation (www.MaryFlo.org).  You can steal them too!  She won’t mind.  I promise.   Next blog post: Where do babies come from…and it ain’t the stork!

TIP—  “By God’s Design”….start your answers with these words.

Posted by Amy in Sex Education

Tentacles and Sternum

tentacles and sternum picture

When my son was about 7 years old, he frantically called me in to the bathroom.  Thinking that he had peed all over the floor, I dashed to the bathroom.  He proudly proclaimed, “Mom, these are my tentacles and they make sternum.”  Trying not to laugh out loud, I corrected him, “No Son, those are your testicles and someday, they will make sperm.”  “Oh yeah”, he said, “that’s right, my sternum is this bone in my chest and silly me, octopus have tentacles.”  That was the end of that conversation.  When you take your child to the pediatrician, he will not call it “winkie” or “pee-pee” for penis, or “cha- cha” and “hoochie” for a vagina. Your children need to grow up informed not ignorant.  Use every opportunity to create a teachable moment.  My son’s restroom time became a teachable moment just like the bathtub moments.  Get candid and keep it simple.  Don’t be sorry if Aunt Ethel is offended because your children call their private organs their correct name even if your son blurts out over Thanksgiving dinner, “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

Tip — Take advantage of teachable moments and opportunities.

Posted by Amy in Sex Education

Getting Started With Your Kids

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Where do you start the conversations about sexuality with kids? In the bathtub, of course.  When your kids are toddlers, start teaching them the proper terminology of their body organs.  We teach them the song, “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” just add in “penis, eyes, mouth, and nose!”  Every child psychologist that I have read recommends proper terminology as do pediatricians, nurses, and physician’s assistants.  Does your OB/GYN call your sex organs by any pet names when you visit?  You never hear your OB tell you to spread your legs so she can check your hoochie.  Yet moms use every name under the sun because no one can say the words penis or vagina or they cringe when they hear their innocent 4 year old use the word penis, but that is what it’s called. Research has told us that kids assume that you don’t know the proper terminology if you don’t use it or that the proper words are taboo or vulgar.  They are not bad words so use them. Practice in front of the mirror if you need to.  When you change diapers tell your kids that you are cleaning their very special private parts and then name it.  Get comfortable with the terms yourself and then it won’t be such a big deal.  Remind them that because these parts are special, we keep them covered up with a diaper or underwear.  Remember, you are laying the foundation for later conversations about their developing bodies. It will be hard to have the “sex talk” and chats about abstinence if you have never been comfortable using the words penis and vagina!

Tip—Call private parts by their proper name: penis, testicles, scrotum, vagina, urethra…just in case you forgot!

Posted by Amy in Sex Education

A Mom Tribe

Why the name MomTribe?  Do you know what mamas of Indian Tribes did to protect their children from an invader when the men were out hunting?  They put the offspring in the middle and formed a circle around them with their bodies facing out toward the intruder.  Zebras do the same procedure.  They corral the babies in the middle of the herd and run wildly around them in order to protect them.  That’s us.  We are a band of ferocious moms corralling our kids from the ugliness of pornography.  Together.

The BARNA group published a report in 2016 called The Porn Phenomenon.  This 160 page book contains staggering statistics on the topic.   According to the report, one out three Americans seek out porn at least once a month.  The BARNA group discovered that age, gender, and faith practice are the three biggest factors in the frequency of porn use.

  • 72% of non practicing male Christians ages 13-24 regularly seek out porn.
  • 41% of male practicing Christians ages 13-24 seek out porn.
  • 36% of females,  ages 13-24 non practicing Christians, seek out porn
  • 13% of females ages 13-24 practicing Christians seek out porn.

Regardless of gender or religious preference  the age category for pornography interest is 13-24 years old!

My family wears ski helmets when we ski. We don’t plan on crashing into any trees but we wear them for prevention and you never know when a wild skier might collide into you.    That’s what a filtering system provides.  Protection.  It’s your first line of defense much like a ski helmet.   I recommend Covenant Eyes.  You can find them at www.covenanteyes.com . I was privileged to hear Ron DeHass, founder and CEO of Covenant Eyes speak recently.   Accountability within your family is huge and you can never underestimate the power of a trustworthy protection system.

Teach your kids while they are young.  Frederick Douglass says, “…It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

TIP- Download an accountability/filtering system.

By Amy in Category Pornography, Sex Education, Resources, Abstinence

The Elephant in the Room…Pornography

Elephant+in+the+Room+(1)YUP!!! We are going to dive right in with the BIG ONE!  Why?   Because let’s just start the conversation and get over being uncomfortable. Sit down while you read this otherwise you might faint….There are 26,000,000 pornography websites.  Yes, millions. Wanna know how many porn videos get watched per year?   6,311,390,4000,000. Did you catch that?? Over 6 trillion porn videos are watched per year and that’s just the videos and doesn’t include the still pages available. This does not include sexting, a new trend among kids 13 and up. One site transfers more than 4,000 pages of porn per second!  (These stats are from conference I recently attended and can be found at www.setfreesummit.org) .

Your child will be exposed to porn.  It isn’t a matter of “IF” anymore; it is a matter of “when”.  Thankfully, their first glimpse is usually soft porn and it’s accidental.  My son was three years old when he was first exposed. He was sitting on my lap while I was reading email and pop up came up of a girl nearly topless.  It was for a dating site.  I watched his sweet little innocent eyes as they flittered across my computer screen and locked on the image. I asked him, “Are you looking at the picture?” He nodded his nearly perfect little blond head.  I responded with, “Mommy will show you how to get rid of that picture by clicking on the X”.  And so I clicked it away and prayed over his mind.  Just like that, in a matter of seconds, he had his first glimpse of what experts call “soft porn”.    That is the first lesson:  LEARN HOW TO GET RID OF IT!   Teach your kids how to click off pop-ups.  I recently  attended a conference and heard 27 different lectures on this topic from Neuroscientists, Neurosurgeons, Psychologists, Sex Addict Counselors, Pastors, Professors, PhD experts in the field, Wives of Addicts,  and the National Center for Sexual Exploitation, just to name a few.   I was commissioned to share my knowledge with you and that’s how this blog was birthed.  Each post will be short and informative and end with a TIP.  Tune in tomorrow for more info! You won’t be disappointed. Come on AMomTribe, it’s time to get educated!!

TIP #1:  Teach your kids how to turn off any pop ups.

  • By Amy in category Pornography and Resources