First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes a Baby in a Baby Carriage…

1159777-Cartoon-Of-A-Mother-Walking-With-A-Baby-Stroller-Royalty-Free-Vector-ClipartThis post is for those of you with teens.  We live in a culture where the sexual message is all of the following:  Sex is Everything, Sex is Nothing, and Love = Sex.  All of these messages are deception and unless you have captured the heart of your child, the education they receive concerning sex is from their immature friends whose minds are full of mush ( I was a high school teacher for more than a decade), or their education is from the world via the media.  Both are toxic in my book.  The cultural pressure is that sex is everything meaning that your relationship is pretty much a friendship unless you are having sex; that sex is the defining piece of your relationship.  Girls are told that if you get involved sexually, you are sure to snag your man.  On the other hand, sex is nothing meaning that everyone is doing it so what’s the big deal? I had a conversation with a millennial age friend recently and she was telling me about a guy  that  she had just met that evening who wanted to hook up with her just for the night and he was gutsy enough to ask! In college, my roomies and I called it NCMO (non committed make out)…now it’s non committed sex.  She even said there is a new trend called polyamory where people  essentially have multiple sexual relationships…(including making babies together, but with no commitment) no more exclusive dating.   No need to marry and have a mistress anymore….

I have been married 20 years.  I love it and I would marry my hubbs again, and if I die, I hope my man re-marries.  Marriage is hard, but it’s the best adventure I have been on.  I think sex is awesome too, but it isn’t love.  God is love.  Sex is an expression of love or lust.  Lust is desire gone bad.  Really bad.  It’s important that you tell your kids about sex from more than just a physical side.  Especially for girls, sex involves their body, mind, will, emotions. When the world sends the message that sex is nothing, down plays it to just our bodies, the intimacy of sex  is lost and it’s just about body parts and satisfaction.  When you have multiple partners, your identity becomes rooted in your relationships or how men feel about you.  In a culture of sexual addiction, people jump from partner to partner because the fear of being alone is absolutely terrifying and unbearable.  Because, everyone imprints on their first sexual experience, and if “it’s nothing”, then sex becomes nothing.  I don’t know about you but standing alone in a bathroom waiting nervously and hoping the pregnancy test is negative or sitting alone in a doctor’s office waiting for the STD diagnosis isn’t my idea of great sex. ( By the way, the average woman/girl gets an STD after only two partners.)   The old addage still rings true…“First Comes Love...Trust with our hearts and then allow feelings of attraction to follow. When you love your spouse through the love that you receive out of your relationship with God, you love without strings attached and you learn to love selflessly.   Then Comes marriage….a committed relationship where the good, the bad and the ugly is nurtured through grace, mercy, forgiveness, loyalty, trust, honor and respect. Then Comes the Baby in the Baby Carriage…a marriage with sex as the foundation doesn’t stand under the pressure that comes when you raise kids; anyone with kids knows that. But a marriage with a Biblical Foundation can stand.

So…capture the heart of your kids so that you are the influence on their sexual decisions, not the warped world or their immature friends.  Explain to them the three deceptions of sex that I listed.  Use your own story even if you have a sexual past. (The age of your kids does matter in that conversation so use discretion and prayer before you begin, but know that your past does not dictate the future of your children.)  Muscician Matthew West has a great song called Mended.  It may be your story….”When you see broken beyond repair, I see healing beyond belief.  When you see too far gone, I see one step away from home. When you see nothing but damaged goods, I see something good in the making.  I’m not finished yet. When you see wounded, I see mended.” Use your story to talk to your teen, you can leave out graphic details and still get the picture across.  Let’s revolutionize sex and put it back in marriage.

TIP: Need help capturing the heart of your kids? My church, Faith Bible Chapel is starting some free parenting classes on Wednesday nights facilitated by Dr. Bob and Gayle Bucknam called Reaching the Heart of Your Child.  Topics include changing the tone of your home/first-time obedience/teaching personal responsibility and avoiding entitlement attitudes/instilling values and respect/how to handle screen time and technology/whining, temper tantrums, sibling rivalry, and more. Sign up at    I will be there too!

Posted by Amy in Abstinence, Sex Education

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