Making Time…

I am attempting to get back in shape.  I could say that I have not had time to run but the truth of the matter is that I have not MADE time to run.  We might have to MAKE time to talk to our kids.  Recently, I had my daughter tag along on her scooter while I ran. (Let’s be honest; it was more of a jog.) Since she has begun a new phase of womanhood in her life, I decided that it was time to find out about where she is with boys on account of all those extra hormones kicking in and all.  I don’t really know if she even notices them yet but I decided it was time to explore the topic.  Now since she was scootering and I was jogging, we didn’t have to look each other in the eye so that helps to take any awkwardness out.  I like to keep the conversation pretty simple and comfortable so I just asked, “Do you have any friends who are into boys yet?”  So we talked about the people who were and were not and then I finally asked if she liked any boys. Happy with her answer, I moved on to another topic. That was it. Short and sweet and it let me know where she is and what to be aware of for future conversations.  A wise friend always reminds me to be on the look out for “what’s next” in my kid’s sexuality.  Once your kids start having body odor and growing armpit hair, it’s time to think about a hygiene conversation. If you have girls, start noticing if they have breast buds and then start wearing sports bras and be thinking how you will prep her for a period.  Stay ahead of the game.  (See my last post).

An easy way into conversation with your kids is to ask about their friends.  “Have any of your friends started their periods?”  Have any of your friends tried drugs?” Are any of your friends talking about sex?”  “What do your friends think about….”  I think this works because it makes the conversation feel objective rather than subjective.   I want to honor you in you might want to approach the topic of sexuality with your kids but if you need some help or some help starting the conversation, I am speaking this week to moms and girls 3rd grade -6th grade on the topic of “Your Changing Vessel”.   Join me on WEDNESDAY, MARCH 15th at 6:30-8.  We will be talking about physical development.  There won’t be any “sex-ed” teaching. I will begin with body odor and end with a general summary of what menstruation is.  Using the words, “BY GOD’s DESIGN”, we will talk about the beginning stages of adolescence,  we will mention that anything that their swim suit covers is off-limits to others and what to do if some one touches them,  and briefly discuss inappropriate pictures and what to do if they see one. I want to help you start conversations with your daughter.  Parents are still the #1 force in their child’s life and I want  you to be that force.  I will be speaking at Faith Bible Chapel  in the Atrium on the West Campus. 6250 Wright Street  Arvada, CO.  You are welcome to attend this free event. A friend of mine started an amazing girls club at my church on Wednesday nights.  I will be presenting at their regular club time. There will be lots of moms and daughters present so come join in the fun!   Also, I will be speaking at the same location on Tuesday, March 21st (from 6:30-8), on how to talk to your kids about pornography, the two sides of their brain, transgender, and same gender attraction. This event is free and for parents only.

Let’s get the conversations rolling!

Posted by AMY in Sex Education

Note: I first learned of the term “By GOD’s Design” from Mary Flo Ridley in her book Simple Truths.  I just loved that phrase so I now I use it too, giving her full credit.  You can find her at http://www.maryflo.org or http://www.JustSayYes.org  I incorporate my Biology background, 20 years of teaching experience, and God’s Word into my presentations.

Lizards and Toasters

lizardYou just never know when a teaching opportunity might pop up when you least expect it.  My sister  lived overseas in Indonesia for many years and occasionally would have a lizard pop up in her toaster along with her toast.  What a surprise!  The little lizards would crawl on her counters and on her appliances and then fall in the toaster.  She never knew they were there until they popped up with her toast.  Recently I had a conversation with my son that just sort of “popped up”.  He has to wear a sports cup for baseball now and so we had to buy a new one cuz he grew out of his old one!  He was trying on the new one (at home, of course!) and then began to strut around the room commenting on how big his penis looked with the cup on (and the cup underwear that came with it).  I did take that opportunity to remind him that we keep our privates covered up and that nobody touches them. When I said “privates”, he said, “I think it’s funny how on Dude Perfect, Ty calls them “goodies” and how other people call it “junk”.  My daughter, who overheard the conversation in another room, came in and told Ben a few more slang words for penis and I was wholeheartedly shocked that she knew them.  But it led to an opportunity to talk to my kids about several things.  #1: I reminded them that we keep our goodies covered up because God made them special so they need to be treated with respect.  #2: I reminded them that no one touches our junk except occasionally a doctor and mom should be in the room. #3: These moments are great opportunities to remind boys that they don’t need to touch their privates…(conditioning our bodies and brains by our own stimulation can lead to other issues later).   #4:  I reminded them that in our house, we use the proper terminology and not slang words. (I did tell them that goodies and junk were ok to use.)  I told my kids, “Imagine how odd it would sound if our pediatrician said, ‘Ok , I need to take a look at your winkie now'”.   My son decided that would be really weird.  There will be people who call our privates slang names, some even sound vulgar, but those are not names that our family uses.  You might have an inappropriate picture pop up on your media device or even a magazine with a woman scantily dressed.  Take these opportunities to talk modesty and have a conversation about pornography.  Start with telling your kids what porn is so they know it when they see it.  Once your kids are in middle school, talk about the exploitation of women..that’s really what porn is.   You will have so many opportunities to talk to your kids about sexuality and down the road your conversations will be much tougher and perhaps more uncomfortable.  You must build a foundation whenever possible. You may say that your kids are shy or quiet or simply just not interested in talking to you about sexuality, but I assure you that they are talking to someone.  SO use those “pop up” moments every chance you get.

TIP: You may need to create some “pop up” moments with some of your introverted kids. For example,leave your box of tampons out on your counter and start a conversation.Use your friends’ kids…”Have any of your friends started their periods?”  “How do you feel about that?” Are you nervous, scared, excited?”  The American Girl (as in the dolls) have several books you can read together.  There are even good books at the local library too.    Walk through a sporting goods store and stop at the cup section with your son.   Ask your son what words he has heard other kids use for their privates. Boys don’t always like to talk eye to eye about this subject so bringing it up in the car can be more comfortable because you don’t have to look at each other face to face.

posted by AMY in Sex Education