Conviction

A friend called me out today. She said, “Why aren’t you writing any more on your blog?  People need to hear what you have to say.  I need to hear what you have to say.  Start blogging again. It’s time.”  That is a true friend.  One who calls you out when you need it.   A straight shooter.  I don’t really have an excuse except that I get intimidated by the big guns who post/blog about pornography and abstinence..big guns like Covenant Eyes, or Educate Empower Kids, people who have lots of letters after their name…BUT then I remembered.  God uses ALL of us to further his kingdom.  I felt conviction, so I repented about my lazy blogging and am moving forward.  You grow where you are planted and so it’s time to grow again.

Conviction can sound like a bad thing.  But it’s not..it is more of a challenge to change.  Conviction is not shame or guilt.  It’s a strong encouragement to move in a different direction.  Conviction often moves us toward repentance which is always a good thing.   Our kids need their parents to be straight shooters…call them out.  Your teenager with a phone needs you to call him out on what he is looking at on his phone.  Remind him that the phone was given to him on loan and you can check it out whenever you feel led.  Check out his apps, his texts… “Oh but I don’t want to invade his privacy”….your child is your CHILD.  Teenagers are still children with an underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex which means they can and will make stupid decisions.  So you need to parent them and hold them responsible for what they are looking at.  Conviction sounds a lot like accountability….Every teenager needs it.

Your littles need a dose of accountability too.  Monitor them during playtime so that it’s not a “free for all”.  They need to learn self-control.  It’s not okay to write in books, rip out pages, dump all their toys.  You are building a foundation for self control, discipline, and fair play.  Character is developed at home, not at school. Hold your little people and big people accountable for dinner time manners, making their beds, putting dishes in the sink or dishwasher.  All of these little things translate to self-control and discipline later.  Stop them when they pick their nose and especially when boys adjust themselves or even fondle themselves…It leads to habits that are hard to break later once hormones kick in because their brains become conditioned to their hand gratification at a young age.  If they keep it up, self gratification can become a habit especially when they get exposed to pornography. Mix that in with a sexual culture, hormones, and an Iphone where porn is easy to access, and you have a perfect storm that could have  been prevented by just teaching a little bit of self control when they were young.

TALK to your kids about everything….especially sex.  When your 4 year old asks, “What is sex?”  Don’t freak out.  Just say that it is a special relationship that God designed for married people.  You don’t have be graphic until you get a graphic question.  You can tell a 6 year old who asks more detail.  “God gave men a special seed and He gave women a special seed.  When the time is right, God allows the seeds to come together and make a baby.”  These are all questions that I fielded this week with young moms and it reminded me it was time to blog again. (Thank you LB for encouraging me.)

I have been speaking to MOPS groups and teens  so I haven’t been a total hermit but I needed the reminder to get my booty in gear again.  And so do you….what do you need to call your kids out on?  Books they are reading..movies…media time…relationships…language..maybe they are just plain lazy.  What do you need to tighten up with your little ones?  Take a break from media and read to your kids.  Talk to them in the car instead of watching a video.  We just finished a media fast for a week and just taking media away erased some issues I was having.  Try it.  I know it’s hard; especially if media is the only way you get a break, but let me just challenge you to teach your kids to play alone.  Our culture is one of indulgence especially in media.  Learn to function without it now and then.

Conviction leads us to repentance…which  leads us to growth.  I want to grow as a parent and I want my kids to grow into mature, self-controlled adults who Love God and Love others.

Posted by Amy in Abstinence, Pornography, Sex Education

Holes and Compassion

I had several  speaking engagements in June and I think I might have learned more than my audiences.  My biggest take-away was that most people in this world have holes and lots of them.  Some holes are huge and are a result of trauma. Major trauma like sexual abuse, divorce, death of a parent as a child, physical and verbal abuse, addiction to pornography, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, accidents that result in serious physical damage, absent parents, and other dramatic trauma.  But trauma doesn’t always have to be so dramatic either.  Holes can come from major disappointment and loss.  Getting cut from a sports team or not making a drama production can cause a hole. Loss of friendship from a move across the country or a friendship ending due to bitterness and jealously can cause a hole.  Hurtful words from a parent to a child can cause a hole.  A child not meeting his parent’s expectations can cause a hole in both parents and children. The bottom line is that we are all broken people.  I don’t care how confident people appear on the outside, on the inside, they have holes.  The difference is what you FILL the hole with.  Now I am Bible-thumping and I really hope that I live my faith out-loud.  I have chosen to fill my holes with TRUTH from the Bible.  I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I know that I am God’s masterpiece created to do good things.  I know that there is no condemnation in Christ.  I know that God forgives those who ask and makes us new creations.  BUT, lots of people don’t know these truths or they have forgotten them and they fill their holes with garbage….pride, pity, financial success, impure images, impure relationships, bitterness, anger, selfishness, rage, isolation.  They settle for a substitute for love and relationships instead of God’s plan for love and relationships. Our culture offers lots of dangerous options for filling our holes.  Most of them are cheap replacements for GOD’s TRUTH.  For example, an insecure girl buys into the lie that she ought to dress provocative, act sexy and aggressive  in order to snag a boy…evening sending him nude photos on SnapChat (that was the story I heard over and over in June from lots of moms), but this was never God’s design.  So as moms, what do we do???  Teach your kids about God’s truth.  Encourage inner beauty with your daughter and character development.  Integrity starts with developing character traits such as perseverance, discretion, confidence, sincerity, modesty-both of dress and heart, poise.  Spend lots of time with your kids.  Did you know that kids who have dinner less often with their parents are more likely to be involved in many risky behaviors. (1) So this summer, make dinner a priority!

Because we all have holes, we all need compassion.  Many people haven’t filled their holes with God’s Truth and they have traded Biblical Truth for a cultural norm…in relationships…in media…in addictive behavior….in sexual promiscuity…just to name a few.  People need compassion and acceptance…that doesn’t mean that we approve of all behavior however.  You can LOVE without APPROVAL.…any parent knows that.  I love my children even though I do not approve of their behavior or choices.  As humans we tend not to like people who don’t agree with us or approve of our choices.  And that’s where LOVE breaks through….Love says, “Think twice about that decision.”  Love challenges and says, “Are you feeling pitiful or prideful in this situation?”  Love sharpens, chastises, corrects, challenges; love doesn’t always agree but it is patient, kind, it is not boastful, it is not proud, it does not self-seek.  It is not easily angered nor does it keep record of wrong.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres. (2) Love sees the holes in others and responds with compassion rather than judgement.  Loving is way harder than liking.  Love, not agreement, keeps families together, communities together.  I live in a wonderful community and I definitely don’t see eye to eye with all the members of my community…but I would help any of them in time of need because I choose love.  Teach your kids this concept:  Loving without agreement.  If your family identity is based on Scripture, then you will have to love people without agreeing with them because your convictions will be different.  But isn’t that what Jesus did?  He loved people, not their choices.  We can do the same.

TIP:  This summer, eat as many dinners together as a family as you can.  Moms, read the book Girls Uncovered by McIlhaney, Bush.  Teach your kids how to love people, not agree with them. And get off SnapChat.

(1):F.I Luntz, What Americans Really Want…Really: The Truth About Our Hopes, Dreams, and Fears (New York: Hyperion, 2009),257.

(2) I Corinthians 13: 4-7, NIV study Bible.

“Send Me a Nude”…

original-logos-2016-Apr-6009-570bf016c0995Yup!  You read that correctly…a friend of mine saw that on her daughter’s cell phone.  A boy from school texted her and wrote, “Send me a nude.”  Let me just translate that for your stinging mama’s ears…that brazen boy wanted the girl to take a nude photo of herself and send it to him.  Seriously, what is this world coming to??  Pornography has so de-sensitized our brains that young men think nothing of asking a girl for such a picture. I have to wonder if pornography is teaching young boys about sexuality, rather than parents teaching boys about sexuality.    Unfortunately, we live in a society where sexting is  so common and a girl does whatever the guy asks to get him to stop pressuring her or she consents in order to cement the relationship, meaning she thinks that the boy will stay with her forever if she concedes to having sex or provide sexual acts.  We need to raise daughters who are confident enough to say, “NO”, even if it means no boyfriend and no date to prom.  We live in a culture where girls are supposed to provide sex acts in exchange for affection.  In a recent article I read that  (by fightthenewdrug.com) a 15 year old girl said that she didn’t enjoy sex at all, but that getting it out of the way was the only way her boyfriend would stop pressuring her and watch a movie.  WHAT??  One girl said, that her boyfriend told her, she could have a kiss if she gave him a blow job……cuz that’s an even exchange….NOT.  So how do we raise daughters in a culture like this? FAMILY IDENTITY. Help your daughter become confident in who she is without needing a boyfriend.  DADS, date your daughters…tell her she is enough and beautiful.  Spend as much time with her as you can.  Pour into her..Take her out for ice-cream every Sunday and tell her all the things you love about her.  If you are a single mom, do the same.  Pour into her so that she has confidence. Confident girls know how to say NO and confident girls walk away because they know they are worth the wait.  If you are a Jesus loving family, remind your daughter that she is a princess of the King of Kings.  I tell my daughter that boys take longer to grow up and mature than girls and that’s why high school relationships often don’t last.  Get your daughter involved in after school activities that help her become confident.  Help her find a niche like athletics, drama, or music, or even a job but remind her that her niche doesn’t define her but it does give her confidence and it keeps her too busy for a boyfriend. If possible, model an excellent marriage so that your daughter longs for marriage and not a relationship that ends in heart-break.  And finally, talk to her..all the time about everything.  Her identity needs to be in your family and not her friends or her relationships.  Whether you are a single mom, blended family, or married, spend a ton of time as a family. Play board games, watch movies, go for walks, bike rides, hikes, ski, sit and talk at coffee shops….the more time you spend with your kids while they are young, the more time they will want to spend with you as they get older.  Parenting is hard; you might not even like your daughter at times, but the more time you spend with her, the better chance she has at becoming a confident woman, so confident that a boy wouldn’t even dare to ask for a nude.

Posted by AMY in Pornography and Abstinence

The article that I read was called Sex Before Kissing: How 15-year-old Girls are Dealing with Porn-Addicted Boys.   Published April 1, 2016  by Melinda Tankard Reist. Go to fightthenewdrug.org for more information or to read the article.

TIP: Limit media use in your family.  Wait as long as possible to get your kids a phone and when you do, get the simplest one possible.  Teach your daughter confidence.  Model confidence.

Finding the Unexpected…

original-logos-2016-Apr-6009-570bf016c0995My husband was up on the roof cleaning the gutters recently and he discovered the head of a bunny in our gutter.  No body.  Just a head.  With the brains still inside. Totally unexpected….Some bird of prey must have swiped the poor bunny for his next meal but inadvertently dropped the head on my roof and then the bunny head rolled into our gutter. Didn’t see that coming….at all!  Sometimes our kids find the unexpected on their devices.  As handy as our electronics are, they can perpetuate all sorts of habits too.  A mom friend of mine told me that her pre- school aged child was to practice a phonics game at home on the Ipad per request of the child’s teacher.  While playing the game, a Victoria’s Secret add popped up.  Mom was mortified.  You may think, “What is the big deal? We see the same adds on TV.”  We live in a society that wishes to  desensitize….everything…from violence to sex to pornography to modesty.  With the average kid getting a cell phone at age 10, our kids are exposed to all sorts of things that their minds are not ready to process yet.  My friends over at Porn Proof Kids who wrote the book Good Pictures, Bad Pictures are working on a book geared for small kiddos…as in pre-school age…because kids are getting exposed to “bad pictures” at younger and younger ages.  Check out their website at http://www.pornproofkids.org.  Before you give your kids a cell phone or a device with internet access, be sure to dialogue with your kids about the dangers of pornography.  Pick up a copy of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures and read it with your kids prior to giving them the device.  Teach them how to deal with  the unexpected when they are exposed to it.

TIP: Your kids will be exposed to some sort of porn.  Teach them how to deal with it. Follow the CAN DO plan from Good Pictures, Bad Pictures. C=Close my eyes immediately. A=Always tell a trusted adult.   N=Name it when I see it. D= Distract myself.  O=Order my thinking brain to be the boss.  http://www.pornproofkids.org

Posted by AMY in pornography

 

Chivalry Is Not Dead….Yet

original-logos-2016-Apr-6009-570bf016c0995I had an awesome anatomy professor who told us on our first day of class how much money it would cost to make a human being from scratch.  We are made up of 10 body systems all perfectly fitted together to perform everything we need. Miraculously,  it all works together even when we are unconscious to the tune of over a trillion dollars and that’s just the ingredients, not including the cost to assemble!!  Human beings are priceless!  Moreover, a woman’s body is even more complicated as it was designed to grow and sustain another life.  Magnificently woven in a woman’s body, children are formed, nourished, and finally birthed.  Even then, a woman’s body has the capability to nourish her baby for months.  Without women, our population won’t increase.  The human race depends on women and yet, women are marginalized, objectified, and traded as if they were property.  Slavery is real.  Human trafficking is real. Exploitation is real. Some 20-30 million people worldwide are stuck in slavery including  the sexual slave trade.  Colorado ranks in the top 3 for the movement of trafficking.  In fact,  there was a bust of a sexual trafficking cell just two miles from the high school I taught at for years.  Once in the trafficking circle, the average life span is 7 years.  Woman die of STDS, suicide, and drug overdose.  Have a conversation with your teens on this issue maybe even middle schooler if appropriate. Tragically, this is the world ours kids are growing up in, a world of sexual profiteering—from pornography that is just a click away to sexual trafficking that may not be as far away as you think. Start raising sons that respect women.  On a practical side, don’t let brothers younger or older hit sisters, teach your son to open doors, carry groceries, work around the house, and talk respectfully to women–at the grocery store, neighbors, teachers, family members.  Bring back the Ms, and Mrs. when addressing female adults.   I went to Cheyenne Frontier Days in Cheyenne, Wyoming with some girlfriends this summer.  It’s an event full of rodeos, cowboys, Native American heritage dances, vendors, Thunderbirds, and all things COWBOY.  When we arrived at our hotel, my arms were full of my luggage; a cowboy in the parking lot quickly ran to the doorway and said, “Maam, let me get the door for you.” I responded with, “Thank you.  I guess chivalry is not dead.”  He said, “No, Maam, not if have anything to do with it.”   I am thankful for men like that…men who honor, respect, and treat women kindly  just for being women.  But I think it’s trained AND taught, NOT caught.  Train your sons while they are still young.  Don’t make chivalry dead in your home.

TIP: Take your high school kids to see the move Priceless.  It’s a movie about sex trafficking here in the US inspired by  real stories.  Then, use the movie to start some conversations with your kids.  Check out the National Center on Sexual Exploitation at  http://endsexualexploitation.org

Bunny Hunting

bunnyIf you have a child ages 10-13, with a cell phone, then listen up!  There is a new heinous phenomenon that perverts and perpetrators are up to and it’s called Bunny Hunting.  I will just get right to it.  No need to beat around the bush or sugar coat this.  You need this information.  Kids who get cell phones at this age are generally unaware of the capabilities of their devices.  Often their devices, particularly phones, come with GPS systems already in place.  Since most kids are ignorant to perpetrators anyway, many don’t think about on-line perverts. Once kids get a phone, their next step is social media…instagram, facebook, pinterest , twitter…and all matters of online gaming and GPS gaming like PokemonGo.  Perps have figured out that these kids, called “bunnies”, are uninformed and ignorant to the ways of online perpetration so they find these new social media users  and start-up conversations or on-line games with them, often disguising themselves as the same age as the kids.   Slyly, they coerce  kids into telling them locations of schools or other places that the kids hang out.  Yup. You guessed it.  The perverts show up to those locations. So if your tween is on social media, and especially sharing their locations, then please have a conversation with them about  the danger of on-line perpetration.  Perversion does NOT lack creativity.  Several months ago I shared a story of a friend of mine, whose nearly had her daughter swiped at a local grocery store only three miles from my house and I live in one of the safest neighborhoods around.  So imagine how easy it is to find kids on-line and start a conversation.  As handy as our devices are, they can be tools for destruction as well.  Exercise wisdom and teach your kids that their device comes with major responsibility and then make sure they are ready for that responsibility.

TIP: Get informed about bunny hunting and then make sure your kids, who have fancy schmancy phones are aware of it too.

Posted by Amy in Pornography

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

original-logos-2016-Apr-6009-570bf016c0995I do apologize for the lack of posting.  My husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary by taking our kids on a road trip to California.  Against our better judgement, we overnighted in Las Vegas but landed in the happiest place on earth…Disneyland.  Three days in Disney and a day in Universal Studios had our adrenaline rushing and walking over 35 miles!  Throw in a hiking day at Zion National Park on the way home and we logged in over 45 miles of walking.  We made some serious memories!

I haven’t been to Las Vegas in over 15 years so call me ignorant, naive, or just plain stupid, but we chose to walk our kids from our hotel, which was off the strip, down to the New York, New York casino so the kids could ride their roller coaster.  We prepped them ahead of time for the inebriated people we may encounter as well as homeless people on the sidewalk.  We even warned them about the strangers  flicking cards of women skantily dressed that we would be ignoring.   What I did not anticipate were the women wearing only stickers! (Yes you read that correctly.)  Thankfully, there was not very many of them, but when did clothing become optional?? While the replica of the Eiffel Tower was pretty cool and the Bellagio fountains, were entertaining, I nearly had throw up in my mouth when we passed the women wearing only 3 or 4 stickers placed strategically.  Quickly, we dashed into a mall with our kids to get off the strip.  I had a mixture of emotions.  Anger, that my kids were exposed.  Shame, that I had taken them there. Sadness, for the women in that lifestyle.  BUT, there was some silver lining.  My son, while in the mall, turned to me and said, “Mom, I don’t think this is a good place for a  little boy.  There is a lot of pornography here.”  I stopped, stooped down so that I could be eye to eye and said, “You are exactly right.  This is not the place for a little boy.  I am sorry that you had to see what you saw.  We will do our best to prevent it.  But you always listen to that still small voice inside of your heart that told you this was not the place for you. That was the Holy Spirit speaking.”   For  probably the first time in his life, he was confronted hard core with right and wrong. Clearly, his heart knew the difference.  I was thankful that he recognized what he saw and named it outloud.  I was greatful that I was with him and relieved when he walked closely with his Dad after that and avoided exposure.  You can’t protect your kids all the time, but you can train them what to do should they encounter pornography.  For starters, get comfortable saying the word yourself so that you can have a conversation with your kids about it.  Am I proud that we took our kids on the strip…No.  Not my best parenting moment. It wasn’t the best choice….but I chose to turn it into a teachable moment.  No shame parenting here.  You can do the same. Turn a failed parenting moment into a valuable lesson.

TIP- Don’t take your kids to the Vegas strip at night!  But if you do have a lack of judgement in your parenting, turn it into a lesson.  For everyone.

Posted by Amy in Sex Education, Pornography

Talking to Your Sons About Porn…

KaaI took my kids to the movies and we saw Jungle Book at the cheapie theatre.  The snake, Kaa presents a great illustration to use when talking to your kids about “bad pictures”.  Kaa wraps herself around Mowgli so slowly, so cunning, so sneakily, conning him into looking into her eyes so that he is mesmerized and then, while Mowgli is getting drowsy, she nearly devours him whole! Saved by Baloo, Mowgli is thrust into freedom without even hardly understanding that he was almost Kaa’s next meal.  The porn industry is out to devour our sons.  Obviously, you can’t talk about porn with your 9-year-old son, like you can with your 16-year-old son, but you better be talking about it.  When your 9-year-old is playing video games on your computer, ask him if he has seen any bad pictures pop up.  Explain to him that looking at bad pictures can cause our brains to be changed.   (check out the pornography category of this blog to learn more).  Teach him what to do when he encounters it. (Again, check out posts in the porn category).  More importantly, teach your son to value woman.  Practice it in your home.  I take my son on dates where he has to open doors for me.  I require him to help me around the house.  He is not allowed to hit his sister or any other girl for any reason.  He volunteers at our church so that he has opportunities to treat girls with respect, kindness and politeness.  He has been taught to look his sister in the eye and apologize and ask for forgiveness when needed.  He is learning how to honor and protect women.   The porn industry would like nothing more than for their patrons to see woman as objects….beings without souls or spirits…just bodies, but those ladies were once some one’s little girl.  ( Only 13% of women in the porn industry are there by choice. You don’t have to let your mind wander very far to figure out how the rest got there.)  Be selective about who your son’s friends are for as long as you can.  More importantly, be selective about what other adults speak into your son’s life as well.  Limit the violence that he is exposed to while he is young. One of my college besties tells her son that women are delicate flowers that need to be treated with respect and kindness.  The porn industry can and will shred your son, devour him from limb to limb.  It’s a cycle of shame, bitterness, fear,  and addiction that alters the neuropathways of the brain….An addiction that you want your son to avoid at all costs. But there is loads of hope…teach and train your boys about valuing women.  Teach them to honor, respect, and be kind to the women in their life (teachers, neighbors, siblings, family members).  Make him help you bring in the groceries and require him to look people in the eye.  (My son certainly hasn’t arrived but we are working on it.)  Teach your son to be a warrior.  A hero.  An advocate.  The world could use a few more gentlemen, don’t you think?

TIP: Take your son out on a date this week.  Let him practice being a gentleman.

Posted by Amy in Pornography and Sex Education

Everything is Awesome When You’re Watching a Screen…

ringsHave you seen that commercial during the Olympics? Xfinity is trying to convince us that our lives will be awesome when we are watching a screen.  It’s a catchy little jingle too.  As I type this, I am grateful for a husband who is out in the backyard playing catch with my kids so they are not in front of a screen. I am grateful that I live in a neighborhood where moms text each other when they are headed to the pool so that any one’s kids can join.  Do know what is truly awesome??  Community and Family.  Not a screen.  Yes there is time for a movie here and there and video games, but when 80% of kids are exposed to porn in their own home from a screen, that is NOT awesome.  Have a conversation about screens and bad pictures with your kids.  Give them some ammunition for what to do when they see it.  There are lots of resources out there, but my favs are the book Good Pictures Bad Pictures and the web resource EducateEmpowerKids.  They have a website and books which you can check out off my resource page.  The bottom line is what are your kids going to do when they see porn?  By the way, it’s a “when” not “if”.  In our home, we tell our kids to name it if they see it and to say it out loud even if it sounds silly.  Just yesterday, my daughter was on her kindle and I asked her to show me where she had been.  I asked her if she had seen any bad pictures (if you have a filtering system like Covenant Eyes, they shouldn’t see any, but I always ask anyway). Then I asked her what she should do if she does see inappropriate  pictures.  She responded, “I say, this is pornography.  It is not ok.  Then I shut my device and I come and tell you right away.  I will not be in trouble.”  You develop a plan in your home that works for you.  The books I listed above have catchy pneumonic devices that you can steal or you can make up your own, but Have A PLAN.  Proper planning prevents poor performance.  And…… turn off the screen and spend time with your kids playing a game! Here is great video about a great resource!

Tip: Make a game plan for what to do when your kids are exposed to porn.

Visit http://educateempowerkids.org  to order the book!

Posted by Amy in Sex Education and Pornography

 

Pornography and Your Teen/Tween

clipart-heart-clip_art_illustration_of_a_red_heart_with_a_white_swirl_0071-0904-2000-1163_SMUApproximately 51% of Americans seek out pornography regularly.   Teenagers spend up to 10 hours a day on media of some sort.  Google is teaching teenagers about sex.  Teenagers seek out porn for 3 main reasons: arousal, boredom, curiosity.  Millennials seek out porn for arousal, curiosity, and to get ideas for their sex lives. The pornography industry is expanding and porn is affecting the church.  Sound dismal?? Thankfully, there is good news.  There is a growing awareness in the Christian community about the porn problem our culture is facing.  Many teens are expressing mixed feelings about porn, including guilt.  And while Christians are definitely struggling, it isn’t to the same degree.  Even millennials are speaking out against porn.  An April issue of TIME magazine had a featured article about young men who grew up with porn are speaking out against it.   (TIME, Vol. 187, NO. 13, 2016)

When talking to your teens and tweens about pornography, I think it’s important to remind them of our make up.  We are not just bodies.  We have a soul made up of our mind, our will, and our emotions; and we have a spirit.  Pornography affects all of ourselves.  In this post, I will specifically address the body. Later posts will address our mind, will, emotions, and spirit.

Pornography often leads to self-gratification which can lead to impotence and porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).  This makes the body physically incapable of responding to the opposite gender sexually, in a natural way.  Pornography changes how your brain releases Dopamine, the reward chemical.  Dopamine is also the imprint chemical, allowing the brain to imprint on the hand (self-gratification) and also the picture.  This is dangerous because the brain is imprinting on fantasy and not a real person.  Cyberspace is not real.  During the act of sex between a man and woman, the brain releases five chemicals.  Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Oxytocin, Protacin, and Seratonin.  Time for a brief science lesson!  Norepinephrine gives us the rush during sex with a long lasting memory, but can have no personal connection. It is the chemical released during the climax of sex which makes sex so enjoyable, but without a personal connection, the brain seeks out whatever or whomever to bring about the next sexual “high”.  Oxytocin is the bonding chemical.  This is released during bonding…moms to babies, dads and kids.  It helps us “fall in love”.  It gives you that twitter-pated feeling you get when you hold hands with someone you like or kiss a person you are interested in.  Unfortunately, the brain will use dopamine and oxytocin to “link” sex to whatever is causing those chemicals to be released.  If it isn’t a person, the brain links to a picture or a hand or whatever the stimulus.  Protacin works to stop dopamine and is released after orgasm.  It Leads to rest and relaxation and is released four times higher with heterosexual couples.  Seratonin is the sleep aid released that helps people fall asleep after sex.  Sadly, during self gratification sex, not enough Protacin is released to counter the Dopamine and Norepinephrine, so the brain isn’t satisfied.  This causes the addiction and eventually changes how the brain releases the chemicals altogether.  I can’t really talk about the dangers of porn without talking about how it affects the body and the brain, not to mention pornography destroys intimacy with God and a spouse.

When I was growing up there was commercial about drugs and brains.  The narrator held an egg in his hand and said, “This is your brain.” Then he cracked the egg into a  sizzling hot pan and said, “This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?” Pornography is more addictive than alcohol and cocaine.  Your kids need to know.  Information, not ignorance is the key.  Teach them how their brain works.  Grab a copy of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures.  Read it with them and then explain the chemical part too.  Teenagers appreciate logic.  We don’t need sexually confident kids.  We NEED sexually competent kids!

TIP:  Teach your kids to sexually competent.  Teach your kids to be culturally discerning.

NOTE: Statistics are from The Porn Phenonmenon, a Barna Report produced in partnership with Josh McDowell Ministry (a Cru Ministry).

Check out fightthenewdrug.org for more on how your brain responds to pornography.

Posted by Amy in Pornography